I have known the verse, Psalm 27:1 “The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear?” for over 20 years.  I have read books about conquering fear.  Have been known to avoid fearful situations.  Have “felt the fear and done it anyway.”   Fear is not a comfortable topic, because it seems bigger than we are.  We hate the emotion of fear, and we like it. Fear can have a backward sort of excitement about it.  But if what we fear comes on us suddenly, without warning, it’s an enemy.

On the exciting side, we pick out rollercoasters designed to arouse every fear instinct in our body, and ride them happily.  We unstrap the seatbelt, get out of the little car, and line up to do it again.  Some jump out of airplanes from dizzying thousands of feet in the air for the thrill of it, even though they are trembling from limb to limb. Horror movies are fear-inducing – and popular!  Brave men expose themselves to gunfire and death in the name of fighting a war for our country. Although those marines look tough, I do not understand how they could be immune from fear that makes their heart pound as yet another bullet narrowly misses them, and wounds their comrade next to them.

Then there are the fears because of circumstances that we don’t choose, but find ourselves dealing with.  Both big things and little things. The prospect of poverty is scary. Wondering about no future or an uncertain future. Being alone.  Being the victim of racism, bullying or stalkers. Being helpless in the face of injury. Betrayal. Losing loved ones.  Losing one’s job, one’s home, one’s spouse, one’s pet!  Fear of dying – even though I am running the race set before me and heaven is open to me – death is still uncharted territory. A loud noise in the night can make my heart pound. A wrong musical note that I think everybody hears causes my adrenaline to race. So does traveling to an unfamiliar country and knocking on a stranger’s door.  What’s in your list?

What scares and brings on fear in me – or you – may seem inconsequential and silly, to someone else. Why should I fear if God is with me, the psalmist asks.  Yet still – there are times that I experience fear – bone-crushing panic even – about things.  In the present, in the future – the uncertainties and frailties of life.

I took a long time to write this post on fear because, although I have thought hard and often about it, I could not think of how to find words to talk about something big – like fear.  Or whether I really wanted to!  The contradiction that exists between knowing and believing that God is with us, yet also experiencing fear, is difficult to describe.

Then I remembered the Job experience.  Job was a righteous man, who believed and knew that he trusted God…believed God…loved God.

that man was blameless and upright, one who feared God and turned away from evil. Job 1:1

He even made burnt offerings to God for his children, in case they had sinned and cursed God in their hearts.  He was a responsible man.  A rich and respected man.  And his greatest fear came upon him.  In his heartbreaking lamentation, after losing not only his property, but also his seven sons and three daughters, and then his health, Job wishes that his day of birth had never occurred.

Why did I not die at birth, come out from the womb and expire? Job 3:11

I’d love to be around when Job had a birthday.  Wear your black clothes and bring plenty of tissues.

Yes, every fear – including rejection from God, his spouse and friends – was probably coursing through Job’s body every day in the book of Job.  He had no future, no hope, nothing but long endless days of arguing with his friends…and it’s a long book…42 chapters!

Of course, there are the long discourses and helpful advice of Job’s friends.  Job speaks of his troubles quite openly.  He may not use the word “fear”, but when he writes that his God, whom he trusts, could potentially slay him, don’t you think there may have been just a little bit of the emotion of fear behind that statement?

It’s nice to sing songs about this verse, or even hear it preached and explained, from our comfortable pews watching the powerpoint in our air-conditioned churches.  But saying this statement when your kids – your home – your health – your future – is in shambles is a very different expression of faith in the midst of fear.  Job experiences fear, looks it in the eye, and tells God that he will trust him even in losing his life, but he’s not giving up without a fight – with God.

I’m not advocating fighting with God.  But in this case, Job argues his case in a respectful way, and does not sin in what he says.  He complains, he rails, he laments – he does not sin.  Anyone who has read Job knows that the ending turns out well.  The Lord finally speaks!  God humbles Job even further, how much lower could he go? – and puts him in his place.  In the midst of the grand scheme of the teaming cosmos, Job is a speck.  God’s sovereignty.  And then

God gave Job twice as much as he had before.  Job 40:10 ESV

14,000 sheep, 6,000 camels, 1,000 yoke of oxen, 1,000 female donkeys.  And ten children. And 140 years of a full life.  They all lived happily ever after.  On to the next fairy tale.

Yet, I wonder, because the Bible is a real book and I wonder about these things.  Job had come through a battle that had put everything he held dear to the test. Did Job still have the scars of the fears he had experienced? Was he different because he had lived through some fearful situations?  Was his faith indeed stronger because of what he had lived through and seen God do? Did he still have sleepless nights?  I doubt his life was perfect without any trouble for the rest of his years.

But, after living through experiences that exposed his greatest fear, and coming to the other side, was Job able to say, in any situation, oh so confidently with no hesitation in his voice or doubt in his heart, the Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear?

I believe he was.